We all could use some good jokes to cheer us up when we’re down in the dumps. Sometimes we take life–and romance–too seriously. Ok, well, maybe here at Sweet Savage Flame, we always don’t. We know the romance genre can get a bit ridiculous at times.
So it’s perfect that today, August 16, is National Tell a Joke Day here in the United States. It’s a great opportunity to laugh about love and relationships and romance novels.
Please note, that I did not create any of these jokes on my own. I might have tweaked one or two, but I found them on the internet so cannot claim them as my own.
While I credited the sites from where I obtained them, I doubt they are originals, as I’ve heard many of these before. Some can be attributed to comedians, such as Henny Youngman.
These jokes are being shared to spread laughter and joy, not for me to take someone else’s credit.
Romance Jokes
What do you call an evil wizard who gives good hickeys?
A neck romancer.
Do you know how to romance a country girl?.
You gotta do something sexy to a tractor.
What do you get when you cross hard alcohol with a trashy romance novel?
Fifty Shades of Grey Goose.
Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Yes, it is February 14th.
I got so aroused when I read the last chapter of that novel that I came to a satisfying conclusion.
While watching a romantic movie, my wife leans over and whispers in my ear: “I want you to make me sweaty and wet.”
So I shut off the air conditioner.
I walked into a bookstore and asked if they have any books on gloryholes.
The clerk said, “Yes, over there in the mystery romance section.”
After 30 years of marriage, people always ask, “What’s the secret of keeping the romance alive?”
I always tell them, “We go to the same romantic restaurant every week, twice a week. I go on Tuesday. She goes on Fridays.”
For a woman, romance is roses on a piano.
For a man, it’s tulips on an organ.
Who says romance is dead?
A necrophiliac!
What do you call a dinosaur that writes romance novels?
A Brontësaurus.
What do Lady Gaga and Nicholas Sparks have in common?
They both wrote bad romance.
I wrote a romance novel set in an overcrowded cemetery.
But it got rejected because there was no plot.
Me: “I’m reading a romance in braille.”
You: “Yeah, how is it?”
Me: “It’s a real touching story.”
Wife: “I shaved down there. You know what that means…”
Husband: “Yeah, the drain is clogged again. I’ll get the Drain-O.”
Published in 1991,Judith Arnold‘s A> Loverboy is the final installment in the Harlequin American Romance line “A Century of American Romance” series. There were ten books in the series, each one focusing on a decade in the 20th century.
Even though they were published in a category romance contemporary category romance line, all the books could be considered “historical” romances.
All that is, except A>Loverboy, which is more like historical fantasy or speculative fiction. Take your pick.
Because instead of taking place in the actual 1990 when this book was published (1991), A> Loverboy is set at a fictional end of the decade, the end of a century, and the end of a millennium.
The Future Past
A> Loverboy is a funny romance about two coworkers falling in for each other in an unusual way. Before there was “You’ve Got Mail” with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, there was this book.
Lucy Beckwith is an uptight divorcee working in tech. You can tell I know nothing about computers because of the phrasing I use.
Back in the 1980s, Jim Kazan was a prodigy who’d hacked into the Pentagon. This brought him notoriety and put him on the covers of every major magazine.
Years later, he’s still working in computers, this time in the “new Silicon Valley” of Kansas. In this reality, “The Big Earthquake” finally hit California in the early part of the 1990s. The economy was disrupted, causing many businesses to move out of state.
Lucy doesn’t think much of Jim, except that he’s an egoist who lives off his hacker reputation.
The Future Present
One night Lucy starts getting mysterious messages on her work computer.
A> I crave your body.
Why would anyone crave her body? Lucy wonders. Her ex-husband hadn’t thought much of her shape. Her breasts were the size of lemons, for goodness sake!
A> I want you, Lucy Beckwith.
The messages continue. Rather than being disgusted, Lucy is intrigued. Who was this mysterious admirer?
A> Call me Loverboy.
The flirtatious glowing words on her screen bewilder Lucy.
It’s no surprise that the man behind the messages is the arrogant big-shot Lucy can’t stand, Jim Kazan. Jim tries his best to woo her online and in real life.
Lucy finds Jim’s confidence isn’t so off-putting once she gets to know him. And being desired by a secret admirer is working wonders on her own confidence.
The Future Future
Although the vision of the 1990s depicted herein has “not aged so well,” it’s worth assessing what Arnold’s ideas of a not-too-distant future (that has now passed) entailed. This aspect categorizes A> Loverboy as speculative fiction and romance.
Reading this American Harlequin was akin to watching movies from the ’80s that predicted hovercars and aliens by the year 2020.
I mean, yes, aliens are here hiding in plain sight, as lizard people are wont to do. But we were promised hovercars, too, dammit!
People in this book’s version of 1999 have to wear special lightweight jackets to block out harmful UVRs.
In our genuine “Current Year,” almost everybody wears no less than a minimum of SPF 30 sunblock when they go outdoors in summer. I remember when they sold SPF 5 in tubes, and anything over 10 marked was for only the palest or easily freckled skin. And it was always PABA-free! (Does any modern sunscreen contain that anymore?)
Arnold did get reality TV right. Or at least, programs like “The Bachelor” where people find “real love” in front of cameras and millions of viewers.
Another Element in This Futuristic Romance
There’s a subplot about a teenager named Dara Lynn, who believes that Jim is her father.
Her unmarried mom birthed Dara Lynn during an IVF pregnancy. Jim Kazan–supposedly–donated a specimen to a fertility clinic right before Dara Lynn’s mother sam. She’s connected the dots and set her hopes on Jim as her father.
That subplot is a minor one, however, taking backstage to the main love story.
Jim is a charming rogue, an Alpha nerd who is determined to get the woman he wants. He desires Lucy not only for her body but her brain as well.
What will happen when Lucy realizes the man who’s won her heart like a cyber Cyrano de Bergerac is really the smart-ass, genius whose superior airs and sexy smile drive her crazy?
Final Analysis of A> Loverboy
Despite A>Loverboy not accurately representing the 1990s, I really enjoyed this engaging funny romance.
Lucy was an authentic depiction of an insecure woman who flourished under some much-deserved adoration. Jim was a cute, witty hero.
Judith Arnold‘s humorous handling of this romance left me smiling.
Rating Report Card
Plot
4
Characters
4.5
Writing
4.5
Chemistry
4
Fun Factor
4.5
Cover
3.5
Overall:
4.2
Synopsis
“I crave your body.” Seeing this message on her computer screen, Lucy Beckwith wondered if she’d finally gone mad. It had to be a mistake; at the very least, someone’s idea of a bad joke.
“I want you, Lucy Beckwith.” Her admirer certainly knew who she was—but when Lucy asked for his identity, all he said was, “Call me Loverboy.”
“I dreamed you were in my bed. ” Erotic messages … homespun poetry… outrageous flattery—Lucy couldn’t help but fall for Loverboy’s brand of old-fashioned romance.
“My heart is yours.” Lucy couldn’t believe two people could fall in love when they’d never even seen each other. But at the dawn of the twenty-first century, anything is possible…
Jan needs to find a bachelor to auction off for a local charity. Her harmless friend and neighbor Junior should do. Jan has never really noticed Junior, but he’s always been very aware of her.
Jan’s got eyes on another guy, so she’s saving up to bid on him. Junior’s a man, and Jan figures he will bring in at least a couple of bucks, even if he’s not the hottest guy in town.
That is until a hunky picture of Junior is shown in the newspaper, sweaty, shirtless, with beard-stubble. All of a sudden, Junior’s not so “junior” anymore.
For all of you in the over-40 crowd, do you remember the Diet Coke guy? There was a commercial where a studly construction worker would take his shirt off and drink Diet coke on his break. All the ladies in the buildings above him would stop their work just to ogle at him.
Here’s the commercial, in case you’ve never seen it.
Well, that’s how all the women in town feel about Junior.
Jan’s not happy about it, not one bit. Now, she’s starting to look at Junior in a different light… And he looks pretty damn sexy in her eyes.
The wonderful thing is how Junior has always harbored feelings for Jan. She’s just been too oblivious to see it!
Final Analysis of Four Dollars and Fifty-One Cents
Lass Small’s Four Dollars and Fifty-One Cents is a friends-to-lovers trope done right.
The title of this book is so witty. By the end, you’ll see the importance of it. It’s too cute! This was an amazingly funny romance. Lass Small hit another one out of the park.
Plus, she created an adorable hero I won’t ever forget. Junior rocks!
Rating Report Card
Plot
5
Characters
5
Writing
4.5
Chemistry
4.5
Fun Factor
5
Cover
4
Overall:
4.7
Synopsis:
GOING ONCE, GOING TWICE…
The truth was, Jan Folger had never really given Junior Busby a second thought–even though he’d lived next door to her for about a million years. But her charity group was holding a bachelor auction. They needed one more eligible man to put on the block…and she supposed Junior would just have to do. Then the local paper went and ran a photo of the fully grown Junior–wearing jeans and a five o’clock shadow–and suddenly it seemed like every woman in Byford, Indiana, wanted to know him better–a whole lot better. And Jan was starting to wonder if maybe she hadn’t overlooked a hot property right there in her own neighborhood …
