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passions paradise

Historical Romance Review: Passion’s Paradise by Sonya T. Pelton

historical romance review
Passion's Paradise by Sonya T. Pelton
Rating: three-stars
Published: 1981
Illustrator: Unknown
Imprint or Line: Zebra Historical Romance
Published by: Kensington
Genres: Bodice Ripper, Historical Romance
Pages: 544
Format: Paperback
Buy on: Amazon
Reviewed by: Introvert Reader

Historical Romance Review: Passion’s Paradise by Sonya T. Pelton


The Book

Passion’s Paradise by Sonya T. Pelton is a wonderfully terrible book published by Zebra in its early years. The cover warns you; it’s dark and dreary, done in deep blues and white, with the wrong hair color for the hero and a ship about to sink in the ocean that shouts: “Disaster looms ahead!”

I got this book in one of those e-bay lots, it was a freebie that the seller was perhaps too embarrassed to mention and only too glad to get rid of, with no back cover (no worries, I printed out the book blurb and taped it to the back) and garnished with red stamps from Arlene’s Book House & Paperback Exchange in Sweetwater, Texas. Now it lay in my Yankee hands, ready to thrill me with its awfulness.

Lying together upon the crest, their two profiles met, silhouetted as one against the clouds’ pink lattice. Here the sun shone softly, and the thrushes and cardinals and mockingbirds cooed love songs sang of twilight nigh, and the nascent magnolia flowers bloomed fragrantly…


The Plot of Passion’s Paradise

Captain Ty, or Tyrone, the supposed hero of Passion’s Paradise is a pirate, a slaver, a whoremonger, a politician–but I repeat myself.

Tyrone captures the ship that bears Angel Sherwood and her family from England to America. His Pa told him there was a special package on board and Ty was to take it. Ty and Pa had an agreement that Ty would marry when Pa found a woman worthy of his son and–who the hell cares, is the plot important? Not to the author, so you shouldn’t care either! Random events occur in the book, story-lines are dropped and nothing makes sense.

There is a mysterious murder… Is Ty the killer? Who knows? Who cares?

There is another murder. Is Ty the killer? Well, this time yes, but again, who cares?

Angel runs away from Tyrone about four times in a row but keeps getting caught. The final time she flees, she leaves her severely mentally-unbalanced mother behind and promises to retrieve her. Of course, the only person Angel can trust to care for Mama is Tyrone’s evil ex-mistress. Mama goes missing. A year passes by, and Angel is concerned, but she’s had so much on her mind that she hasn’t had time to search.

You see Ty’s penis keeps taunting her in those tight pants he wears and a girl can’t think straight with that anteater staring at her.

Stupid Big Misunderstandings & Clichés Abound

This book is filled with stupid “big misunderstandings” and really random, unnecessary secrets. For 200 pages the big mystery of the book is Angel’s first name. There’s no reason for her to hide it. I think it’s just so the author could have Tyrone call the heroine “My mysterious Angel” without him knowing that was really her name. Lame.

Ty’s last name is a secret. Who is Ty’s father? Is Tyrone married? What is the secret of Cresthaven plantation? Where did Angel’s hymen go if she really was a virgin? (It blew up in the fire. Really, it did.)

Don’t expect any PC, this book is raw. A Chinese prostitute does her best at a Mickey Rooney Breakfast at Tiffany’s impression. Ty has slaves and whips them bloody. He takes what he wants from Angel (her love pudding) and doesn’t ask permission.

But oh, he’s a misunderstood devil. There’s depth to Capt. Ty, and a heart that yearns for love. You see he had a rough childhood because his mother was a slut, or something like that.

Final Analysis of Passion’s Paradise

Passion’s Paradise is a cliché-ridden calamity. Even so, it was oddly entertaining, like a terrible movie you watch just to shout inanities at the screen. Plus, I can’t hate a book with such craptastic dialogue as:

Ellen (a prostitute): “You know I used to enjoy all kinds of men before Captain Ty came along. That tawny-haired devil made me forget them all, with his lean body and bulging crotch! Shees! I’ve bedded down with more men than you could ever hope to meet in your lifetime.”

Angel: “But not with Captain Ty?”

Ellen: “Bitch. Take your clothes off!”

Apparently, this book was a multi-million seller putting Zebra on the map. And it didn’t even have a pretty cover!

What a mess. 3 itty-bitty stars for being so gloriously, wonderfully entertaining.

3 Stars


As the beautiful, fair-haired Angel Sherwood sailed from England to Louisiana, she sensed that her destiny flowed with the rough waves of the ocean. Frightened by the harsh sea, Angel prayed that perhaps, just perhaps, she would find happiness and romance in her new home.

But Angel’s fate changed course when she was kidnapped by the cruel, yet captivating pirate, Captain Ty. And even though her future was suddenly in the balance, Angel was strangely warmed by his manly touch. Her strong captor stirred in her a delcious pleasure, a burning fire that made her whole body tingle with precious thrills.

Captain Ty’s black heart was softened, too by her golden presence; she was an untouched treasure, full of charm, wit and innocense — a jewel that he feverishly desired. But rather than taint his savage and foreboding name, he kept his feelings hidden. First he had to be sure that her heart belonged to him–and then he would send her to PASSION’S PARADISE! 

heather cordia byers

Historical Romance Review: Heather by Cordia Byers

Heather by Cordia Byers
Rating: one-star
Published: 1979
Illustrator: James Griffin
Published by: Fawcett
Genres: Historical Romance, Bodice Ripper, Cavalier Era Romance
Pages: 316
Format: Paperback
Buy on: AmazonAbeBooks
Reviewed by: Introvert Reader

Historical Romance Review: Heather by Cordia Byers


The Book – Heather by Cordia Byers

The best thing I can say about Heather by Cordia Byers is that it’s a terrific cure for insomnia.

Why, oh why, did I not listen to the words of wisdom and DNF this lifeless excuse for a bodice ripper? Like the idiot I am, I kept reading on, expecting something interesting to occur.

It turned out things did happen. Another event followed those things. And then another thing happens…

However, none of it has any zing or excitement. It’s all just words on paper.

So Boring

In Heather, events occur while characters are like marionettes being pulled by strings to the next scene. That’s absolute sacrilege for a bodice ripper.

These are the kind of books that are supposed to be so chock-full of craziness that they madly affect the reader. Either by offending or delighting, or titillating them.

I was a little offended, I suppose. Not because there was anything to upset my “delicate sensibilities,” but because this book was so freaking boring.

heather cordia byers
Heather, Cordia Byers, Fawcett, 1979, cover artist unknown

The Plot

Part One: Heather, the Ward

Beautiful Heather Cromwell is brought up as a foundling by a wealthy Marquis. She’s treated as a part servant/part distant relative. Even though it’s not a rough life, it’s not a great one, either.

Heather grows up loving the Marquis’s son, David, although she knows that her love is hopeless.

Enter Sir Nicholas Guyon, the studly and handsome Captain of the king’s guard. He takes one look at Heather and becomes instantly obsessed. Why? Because she’s bee-uu-tee-full, of course.

Did you expect any other reason, like her charm, personality, wit, or even foot-stomping, spicy temper? Egads, no. None of that here. Heather is the blankest slate of a character I’ve read in a long time.

Nevertheless, Heather’s heart is only for David. She despises Nicholas since that’s what the story demands.

Part Two: Heather, the Mistress

After David is assumed dead at sea and the Marquis is arrested for treason, Heather heads to London to live an exciting life in the big city. But Heather’s so dumb; she gets conned and robbed of her money.

Subsequently, she ends up in a whorehouse as Madame’s specialty. Of course, because Heather is so bee-uu-tee-full, she’s not pimped out right away. The Madame has plans to sell her to the highest bidder. Well, guess who that happens to be?

Nicholas has now been promoted to the high rank of British Ambassador to France (that made no sense to me). Heather still hates him, but she realizes his exalted position could benefit her.

So she devises a plan to play along, being Nicholas’ mistress, to save the Marquis. For a virgin who hates a guy so much, Heather sure has a lot of confidence in the magic powers of her cuca.

Part Three: I Don’t Care Anymore

After Nicholas seduces her into his bed, causing passion to stir between Heather’s loins, who should come back from the dead?

It’s Heather’s beloved David, who was held captive by pirates and now has a secret identity as…

Oh, forget it, I don’t care anymore.

Final Analysis of Heather by Cordia Byers

Stuff happens, and Cordia Byers’ Heather ends as these books always do. It’s happily ever after for Heather and Nicholas.

I suppose I should apologize for spoiling this great piece of romantic literature, but I won’t.

This book was so dull. I couldn’t even get excited about writing a review. This just blew big, giant whale chunks.

1 Star

Rating Report Card
Fun Factor
Overall: 1.5


HEATHER… She was a golden-haired beauty who’d never known her parents. Brought up as a foundling with David, the son of a marquis, she learned the manners of a lady. All of which helped her when she was captured one night and sold to a fancy brothel.

Captain Nicholas Guyon, David’s friend, who had long lusted after Heather, rescued her from that notorious palace of pleasure. He planned to make her his mistress. He had not reckoned on falling in love with her. But Heather had no intention of surrendering to the man who once had almost raped her…

A lusty tale of fiery passions and deadly intrigue of men at war and women in love…

a convenient bridegroom

Category Romance Review: A Convenient Bridegroom by Helen Bianchin

category romance
A Convenient Bridegroom by Helen Bianchin
Rating: half-star
Published: 1999
Illustrator: TBD
Imprint or Line: Harlequin Presents #2067
Book Series: Weddings
Published by: Harlequin, Mills & Boon
Genres: Category Romance, Contemporary Romance
Pages: 187
Format: Paperback
Buy on: AmazonAbeBooks
Reviewed by: Introvert Reader

Category Romance Review: A Convenient Bridegroom by Helen Bianchin


The Book

File A Convenient Bridegroom by Helen Bianchin, a 1999 Harlequin Presents under “Wedding Porn.”

Books about self-absorbed, beautiful, wealthy women with nothing to do but go to lunches & parties, shop, and plan their weddings in excruciating detail are not my thing. A Convenient Bridegroom was one of the most boring romances I have ever read and there have been quite a few snoozers!

The Plot?

Ayse and Carlo are engaged to each other because that’s what’s excpected of them. Their families are lifetime friends.

The two are having amazing sex but have yet to say I love you. It’s not because they’re emotionally cold people struggling to come to their true feelings. It’s because… neither has said it first. That‘s the big crisis.

Plus, the blank slate of a heroine, Ayshe, is so stupid and insecure she believes some random skank’s word when said skank says Carlo’s cheating with her.

And the hero just stands there and says nothing.

convenient bridegroom mills and boon

The heroine is so conflicted; this is all she can think about. But she never addresses this issue. To add insult to injsury, only in the last page is this “conflict” resolved over a few sentences.

This is this book’s idea of more drama: “Oh no I got the wrong veil!” or “Oh these flowers just won’t do! Mama will be so upset!”

I can read a book where the hero is an evil misogynist. At least even if the book is bad, it’s entertaining.

But this story was dull, dull, dull!

Final Analysis of A Convenient Bridegroom

A Convenient Bridegroom was so BORING–and that is the worst literary sin of all.

Rating Report Card
Fun Factor
Overall: 0.8


With just two weeks until the wedding, it was too late for Aysha Benini to back out of marrying Carlo Santangelo.

Everyone expected her to be a radiant bride, blissfully entering a marriage of convenience that would unite two powerful families…

Aysha would gain wealth, status – and a fabulously good-looking husband!

Only, she couldn’t ignore two painful facts: one, she desperately loved Carlo; two, he clearly had no intention of giving up his glamorous mistress.

Could she convince Carlo to be more than a convenient bridegroom?

A Convenient Bridegroom by Helen Bianchin